More Than Simply Female
As anyone who regularly reads this blog can tell, I have issues with the way many women are being portrayed/acting in today's popular media and how many young women who buy into the media package: "Sex Sells You!" Now, I have been called a femi-nazi and a dike and a man hater and so on. By men. Exclusively. Even though lesbians can tell I'm straight from 50 yards out. Just for pointing out that there's a lot more to being a woman than jiggling your tits and making babies. For example, pointing out to an idolizing teenage girl that Jessica Simpson does not manage her career, is not all that bright and not admirable in any way really means I’m a “feminazi”. Don’t ask me why. I don't care if men look at pretty girls, just don't put Kraft mac n' cheese up and call it a steak, y'know what I'm sayin'?
Such a killjoy I am.
Wanna know why? There a lot of little events, but the watershed happened when I was 24.
I discovered a lump in my right breast. It felt like someone had jammed a granite pebble in there. The mammogram revealed a tumor the size of an entire pecan. 24. Now, lying in bed that night I went through only 15 minutes of "I'm going to die.", but the "I'm going to lose my right breast." lasted much longer.
Think about the emphasis society puts on a woman's breasts. They are taken the ultimate outward sign of womanhood. Women with small breasts are seen as boyish and underdeveloped. Breasts are the physical expression of the female ability to nurture. And as the things that men don't have, the part if women's bodies that fascinate them the most (at least the younger ones, when most guys get a little older, their attention seems drift southward and to the posterior), hence the reason they end up so prominently in so much advertising. Breasts are so important in our culture that high school graduates under the age of 18 are turning down cars to get fake tits.
We look back on the Victorian women who had ribs removed to get that extreme hourglass figure with pity and disgust. How different is that from stuffing two plastic bags of silicone or saline in your chest? Add that to the bulimia and annorexia rampant in this country and what the hell are we teaching our daughters?
The only analogy I can give to a man is to say what if you had to face castration? While it personal attachment is not as quite as strong, the societal image is. Women are as defined as women by their breasts as men as defined as men by their phalluses, but in a much more public manner. We can't usually tell how big you guys are fully clothed.
So how does a woman define herself as such without them? How does a woman define herself without her body? That's the question that I, and any woman who has faced a mastectomy, has had to answer. Each of us probably came up with something different…
Being a woman is giggling. Being a woman is shrieking in surprise. Being a woman is wanting to know all the details. Being a woman is being drawn to drama. Being a woman is having an inner child between the ages of four and seven. (Men’s inner children are about 11 to 13.) Being a woman is committing yourself wholly, body and soul, even when it sometimes it to your detriment. Being a woman is loving the rain and the moonlight. Being a woman is having instant sympathy and kindness for beings weaker than yourself and caring for those in need. It is loving to dance, even if only in your soul. Being a woman is being the secret princess, the changeling fairy, eventually taking flight. It is tears of laughter and of pain. It’s inner grace even when the outter shell is a clutz. Being a woman is being a cheerleader, even if you never waved a pom pom in your life. It is listening, encouraging and advising. It can also be over analytical and judgemental. Being a woman is thinking too much. Being a woman is being unpredictable and at times, flat-out crazy. It’s hysteria for your own troubles and being a rock for someone else. Being a woman is being the stillness of a refuge and the passion of a hurricane. Being a woman is listening to instinct. It’s a tenderness that flows as easily as water and temper that strikes like lightening. Being a woman is living from the heart while trying to act with your head, highly aware that they don’t always agree. Being a woman is being lead on the dance floor, while being perfectly capable paying your tab and hailing yourself a cab home. It is to be a lioness of strength, both nurturer and protector, yet it is also being able to put yourself in the hands of those you love and trust as easy as and light as a feather. Being a woman is to be soft and receiving with a wild heat that can burn. It is being the sunlight in the daytime and a fire that glows deep into the night. Being a woman is to be a guardian of mysteries, of the world, of the body, of the spirit and the heart. It is having a heart that overflows, yet a secret treasure never touched that glows from within.
And that’s just scratching the surface, but as you can see a woman is defined as a woman by far more than just the outer trappings. Most people at some point in their lives go through a time when they are forced to strip away all the bullshit, and come to what is truly real about life and themselves. If they are smart they keep what is learned from those times close. I dodged the bullet, the tumor was benign, but I walked away from that experience with a far greater understanding and appreciation of everything a woman is and can be far beyond the physical definitions of “feminine”.
Such a killjoy I am.
Wanna know why? There a lot of little events, but the watershed happened when I was 24.
I discovered a lump in my right breast. It felt like someone had jammed a granite pebble in there. The mammogram revealed a tumor the size of an entire pecan. 24. Now, lying in bed that night I went through only 15 minutes of "I'm going to die.", but the "I'm going to lose my right breast." lasted much longer.
Think about the emphasis society puts on a woman's breasts. They are taken the ultimate outward sign of womanhood. Women with small breasts are seen as boyish and underdeveloped. Breasts are the physical expression of the female ability to nurture. And as the things that men don't have, the part if women's bodies that fascinate them the most (at least the younger ones, when most guys get a little older, their attention seems drift southward and to the posterior), hence the reason they end up so prominently in so much advertising. Breasts are so important in our culture that high school graduates under the age of 18 are turning down cars to get fake tits.
We look back on the Victorian women who had ribs removed to get that extreme hourglass figure with pity and disgust. How different is that from stuffing two plastic bags of silicone or saline in your chest? Add that to the bulimia and annorexia rampant in this country and what the hell are we teaching our daughters?
The only analogy I can give to a man is to say what if you had to face castration? While it personal attachment is not as quite as strong, the societal image is. Women are as defined as women by their breasts as men as defined as men by their phalluses, but in a much more public manner. We can't usually tell how big you guys are fully clothed.
So how does a woman define herself as such without them? How does a woman define herself without her body? That's the question that I, and any woman who has faced a mastectomy, has had to answer. Each of us probably came up with something different…
Being a woman is giggling. Being a woman is shrieking in surprise. Being a woman is wanting to know all the details. Being a woman is being drawn to drama. Being a woman is having an inner child between the ages of four and seven. (Men’s inner children are about 11 to 13.) Being a woman is committing yourself wholly, body and soul, even when it sometimes it to your detriment. Being a woman is loving the rain and the moonlight. Being a woman is having instant sympathy and kindness for beings weaker than yourself and caring for those in need. It is loving to dance, even if only in your soul. Being a woman is being the secret princess, the changeling fairy, eventually taking flight. It is tears of laughter and of pain. It’s inner grace even when the outter shell is a clutz. Being a woman is being a cheerleader, even if you never waved a pom pom in your life. It is listening, encouraging and advising. It can also be over analytical and judgemental. Being a woman is thinking too much. Being a woman is being unpredictable and at times, flat-out crazy. It’s hysteria for your own troubles and being a rock for someone else. Being a woman is being the stillness of a refuge and the passion of a hurricane. Being a woman is listening to instinct. It’s a tenderness that flows as easily as water and temper that strikes like lightening. Being a woman is living from the heart while trying to act with your head, highly aware that they don’t always agree. Being a woman is being lead on the dance floor, while being perfectly capable paying your tab and hailing yourself a cab home. It is to be a lioness of strength, both nurturer and protector, yet it is also being able to put yourself in the hands of those you love and trust as easy as and light as a feather. Being a woman is to be soft and receiving with a wild heat that can burn. It is being the sunlight in the daytime and a fire that glows deep into the night. Being a woman is to be a guardian of mysteries, of the world, of the body, of the spirit and the heart. It is having a heart that overflows, yet a secret treasure never touched that glows from within.
And that’s just scratching the surface, but as you can see a woman is defined as a woman by far more than just the outer trappings. Most people at some point in their lives go through a time when they are forced to strip away all the bullshit, and come to what is truly real about life and themselves. If they are smart they keep what is learned from those times close. I dodged the bullet, the tumor was benign, but I walked away from that experience with a far greater understanding and appreciation of everything a woman is and can be far beyond the physical definitions of “feminine”.
posted by KiplingKat | 2:19 AM
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